School.

I am so looking forward to when I move in, but the thing is, I know things will change.

My life right now isn't the best, probably, but it is pretty great. Not very exciting, but very comforting. A little lonely, but a lot of closeness. I have adapted to it so well.

Before, I looked forward to the chance of moving away to school, to create a new lifestyle, to finally endure that "welcome week" I've always pictured the adventures that will soon come my way. However, it has just hit me that now, after that "welcome week" that I imagine is over, I will not be coming back home. I will be living there. Berkeley, will be my home. My home away from home. I won't be coming home to my mother, and my friends, and my boyfriend to tell stories of my great week experience, I will be continuing that experience, without them, even after the "welcome" has finished it's part.

It's hit me that I am leaving home. I am sad, and I know I will be so homesick.. I know I will miss everything so much, all that I have here. All that I've taken granted of, always wishing for new experiences.

I know I won't be that far, but just knowing that I will only see them 2, maybe 3 days a week. I don't know.. haha, when I say it now it doesn't seem so bad, but hell, I am so easily homesick, especially when I take part in knowing how long we will be apart.

This will change my life, because it will mark my change towards independence. A part of me doesn't want to be independent, because it's not about the work, but it's about my mother.
I am a huge mama's girl. I want her to feel needed by me, but in all honesty, sometimes I feel like she needs me a lot more then I need her.

I am so worried for her, I want to take her with me.. So worried..
I am looking forward to next summer, when I want to take her to VN, and let her know how much I love her.

Of course, according to my boyfriend, she'd have to share me with him, because I have to provide that feeling of love for him also!
Next summer, don't let me down like this summer. (This summer is NOT bad, btw! I just expected a lot more, which I know is bad.. lol )Be filled with the adventures I crave, let me appreciate what a great life I have.