Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend can't understand me at all.
And yet other times I feel like he understands me better than I understand myself.
Today, he spent the whole day with me, cheering me up from my mental breakdown last night. He made me realize that every mental breakdown occurs FAR too often, every so often. And it's always with the same thing. My dad, my family, feeling isolated and unwelcome in my own home. Feeling as though I've lost my best friends.
You see, it's because ever since I was little. I was always kind of isolated from my family, the ones around me anyways.
When I stayed at my grandparents, they neglected me. I always walked around outside, and made friends there.
For so long, my friends have BEEN my family.
It seemed like everyone I considered as close as family had disappeared this year. And I guess it just shot me down and brought me to tears.
"You're good at hiding your depression. And I guess it's good, because no one can see it, but at the same time you are just building it up until you go berserk."
Obviously, "Berserk" wasn't the BEST word choice, but I understood what he was trying to say.
It's true. I hide my depression. But ONLY because I am depressed so very often. SO to stop that, and hopefully beat my "no crying" record of _____months. (its embarrassing) I MUST distract myself ONCE I start feeling a little depressed!
ACTIVITIES I CAN DO:
-Clean Room
-Make Over
-Shower
-...Explore..?
-..........DANCE AROUND OUTSIDE IF I AM HOME ALONE
-WORK OUT!
-I had more ideas that I can'think of, damn it!! I knew I should've written this last night.
PS - Don't force boyfriend to eat too much ice cream, even if you think he wants it. -_- When he wants to stop, believe that he actually does not want anymore, instead of thinking he's just being nice. Apparently, he is NEVER, THAT nice.
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