*sigh,

I decided to take a look into the past, and I browsed pictures, blog posts, etc. I read through the old posts of your page, before it seemed like everything was about me and our complicated friendship.

It's quite dramatic, but reading your old posts about him made me tear up. And then I looked at our old pictures: those were some really fun memories. I really miss those times, and you. I really should have included you in my Best Friend's post. That was wrong of me not to do so, because you really were one of my best friends in high school. Why I did it? A part of me was really fed up with the constant arguments we had, and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. But it was wrong, and I can only imagine how much it hurt to be cut out like that.

This is the absolute truth though: I am not a terribly affectionate person. I know you see that I shower certain people with love, but I really don't. I occasionally visit their page, come across one of our old pictures, randomly have memories slip into my mind and suddenly feel this immense amount of appreciation from them (like what I just experienced with you after reading nearly 20 pages of your past blog.) But on the daily, I hardly communicate with them. To be real, I hardly text them, call them, facebook them. Honestly, I am so terrible at communicating. I often forget to reply, forget to tell them when I am home visiting, I am constantly getting nagged at by these people (lol). And I adore them for that because in reality, they shower me with love. More so than I shower them. I am so lucky to have these individuals (including you) in my life, and I am still learning to how prioritize them over my busy schedule. I am still terrible at it and please, by all means ask Lam to verify because I once asked him, "Have I ever been a bad girlfriend?" and he says "anytime you have a test." and I totally agree.

Things were just a lot easier when I was so close. And you'll see this for yourself once you go to Davis and start discovering yourself as well. You are going to have all the fun that you deserve and it is going to be so overwhelming for you -you may lose sight of yourself for a while. But that's normal, and it happens to almost everyone, and it is wonderful. It's a fresh start and a new beginning. And for me, that involved forgetting a little piece of San Jose for a period of time, but there is not a doubt in my mind that I loved you all back home and I always always will.

I am quite hard-headed and impatient sometimes. That is something we are both very guilty of. I think the intensity of our arguments progressively get worse because we know exactly how to push each other's buttons. Though we don't do so intentionally.

I am not sure if we should speak for a while. But I am sorry. Those are my concluding words to you, until time can make us comfortable to regenerate.