Sitting here, instead of studying, trying to figure out exactly how I should word this so that it comes out how I intended it.. It's a difficult task.

 I'll admit to you now, that although I cherish those memories we had during badminton -those are still some of my favorite memories of all time, because of where we stand now: those are just memories now. I love them to death and I am so glad I had you to share them with, but look at us now. I loved you then, and I still care a great deal for you now. That is the truth. But after the repeated times I have tried to hang out and rekindle our friendship, it always seemed to blow over. No matter what I did, it always seemed like you had something to be angry about. If you look back to our last few conversations, I have been the one to reach out to you, and even though those memories ended on a bad note, it was still I who tried to hang out again. I've grown tired of it. I am sorry for my lack of effort, but this is a relationship, and like relationships between boyfriends and girlfriends, if you keep putting down the person after their efforts, the relationship will dwindle.

 In all my friendships, you have been the most difficult to please. And I became so fed with the fact that no matter how hard I tried to be a better friend to you, I still ended up being the villian who was welcomed with depreciation and complaints. I really began to question if this friendship was even worth it because of these constant arguments that I always felt were unnecessary and dramatic. You had one blog  stating that I was a friend who made you feel like crap and expected you to be as pretty as my Berkeley friends (or something along those lines). How could I ever look and feel the same way towards you after you had put me in such a hurtful light? My feelings were really hurt after that. To be completely honest with you, I feel like I am hesitant to even reach out to you sometimes, because I'll wonder "is she going to be angry this time?"

 But I've always tried my best to defend you. Remember when I ask you to hang out the most recent time? When I said Lam offered to drive us to Santana Row? He didn't offer. On the contrary he said, "You know how she gets. I don't want to drive her if she's going to blow up for no reason." and I told him to shut up. (Also because he is a hypocrite who blows up for no reason ALL the time lol) But instead of cutting off our Friendship, I took a break from it. I thought time could ease the tension and we could try again, just as I've often done.

I've always "popped outta nowhere" asking you to hang out, but recently, they have all been sad experiences. Our friendship is questionable on the terms of "best" or not. I am deeply sorry, but it's true. After the repetitive fights and making me feel badly as a person, it's true: I do not consider you a best friend anymore. But I do still consider you a friend and you always will be. I do still consider you a friend whom I cherish and that s who you will always be. It's completely up to you whether or not you would like to continue this friendship, because I am a sole believer that with effort, things can be fixed. There was a time that I thought I could never be friends with Henry again after we broke up. I remember crying to you about how I was ignored, treated badly, etc. But I look back at it now and I realized that I had expected so much from him -too much from him. I was a crazy girlfriend who was never happy no matter what he tried. And when I realized that, and understood that there are just some things out of his control, we were on much better terms.
 It's ironic really, this situation that we are in now really reminds me of a similar situation I had with one of my other best friends. She was the one pushing me out of her life, building all these fond memories with different people, leaving me behind. She was the one who made me feel meaningless and made me question why I never came first in any of her blogs, pictures, posts. I was the one who called her out on multiple occasions, I was the irrational friend. I was the one who just couldn't let go of what used to be. And after making this realization, I must apologize to you both.
You, K, for having made you feel that way. Because I can still recall with a pain in my heart of those lonely nights of missing my best friend. I can still recall tearing at pictures and feeling like dirt being brushed off as I looked through all of her current pictures and post, not even seeing a glimmer of myself in them. I am so sorry I made you feel that way. It is a horrible, horrible feeling that I will never forget.
S, I am sorry for expecting so much from you then. I am so sorry for being such a bitter person and not letting go, which ultimately lead our friendship to spiral into what happened next. I am so sorry for not understanding how hard it was to be in your position until now. I am truly sorry for the negative light I put you in when all this time it was me who was being the selfish friend refusing to let you go enjoy your life. I want you to know that this experience has opened my eyes, and I think from now on, I can finally fully let go of that fall-out we had. I think I can finally move on passed it and accept that things happen for a reason, and if meant to be we can fall together again. I don't want to stop trying to make our friendship work, so can we both promise to put effort into rekindling this? <3 br="">
 K, Thank you for being the person who supported me throughout highschool and created some of the best memories I will ever have. I am sorry our friendship has become distanced, but things and circumstances change. Things between us will never get better unless you can understand that things will always be different now -I am different. My life is different -my priorities are many. There are just some things that I cannot do now, that I used to do then.

 I don't want to lose you as a friend over something like a national best friend day post, so if you'd like to hang out, please give me a text, a call, and we can catch up on old times. I, on the other hand, will leave you alone and let you think about whether or not you feel this friendship is worth it. Because I'm just now realizing that it took me this long to realize my mistakes.