Just wanted to Clarify,

My friend from UCB, who I was going to take shopping with me, she is from LA. She couldn't even home for Thanksgiving, so I wanted to save her, she was really down that everyone else was leaving.
However, in the end, she found something else to do, that wouldn't involve having Lam drive back and down to pick me up, then pick her up, 45 mins x 4.

Honestly, I didn't make plans with other people. I didn't make plans with my 'other' best friends. It was a spur of the moment thing. Your Thanksgiving log also threw me off, it made it seem you had had other things to do, because you assumed I had other things to do.. So ironically, I was waiting for YOU to get back to me about the shopping.. Which was my mistake, because I didn't realize I was keeping you waiting on an answer to go? I honestly thought I had already responded with a "Of course!" or something, because Black Friday + Sheri asking = Yes, is like an automatic response for me. But I guess I impulsively just assumed you were busy.

I was also hurt, to find out that you were shopping with your other best friends. It's actually pretty funny, and ironic what happened. I assumed since you didn't text me (other than 2 weeks ago) because you didn't actually check up with me, you were busy, you had other plans. Your recent blogs haven't at all really made me feel... included I guess. When you say your high school friends, who've been there and know HOW you are, I don't feel like I even belong a part of that. Because I'm hardly ever there anymore for your life changing moments. I always have to be caught up with your life. I don't know, I didn't want to double check with you about shopping because honestly, I already was expecting the, "I'm going with - - and -, but we can meet up for a bit!" I didn't want to be, "a bit"

.....My ear got itchy, and I forgot what else I was going to say.
The group of my 'other' best friends. You should know you're always welcomed as a part of it. You should know that! We all love you, and consider you a best friend. Your group however, If feel like a complete outsider, and now that you're with Alvin, I'd feel more of one going! So, I just didn't want to be a bother to you, to have to try and "squeeze" me in.

But really though, most of Black Friday Cindy and I were just talking, and wondering where you were. Or why we didn't go with us this year.
We actually felt pretty sad and forgotten..
....Life's funny how it works, isn't it? haha

You will never see...............
You will never realize how much it hurts me.

Why is it that you don't see how much I appreciate you? When I'm irritated, I understand that I'm irritated, and if I'm angry to you, I know I will apologize. Because I can realize that I am just being foolish, and moody.
I never, ever blame you when you haven't done anything.

My pride will not come in the way of my respect for you.
If I know I screwed up, and mistreated you, I will apologize. Because I appreciate you, as a great boyfriend, who I love very much.

But when it's the other way around..I have to bring it up that you hurt my feelings. And it just turns into a argument.
You think the whole world does not think, but then why do you yell at me, as if it were my fault, for something the world has done?
Why are you yelling at me, treating me, guilting me, like I've done something wrong to hurt you? When in reality, I asked Cindy if she could get picked up at 4 instead of 5, so it wouldn't be a hassle. When I told her saying "There's traffic, so hurry please! He has somewhere to go."
But you will never see that.
You will only see that she didn't come out when you wanted her too. And so it is my fault, for not being able to control that.

I wanted you to say sorry, not to hurt your pride, but so I know that you feel bad for hurting me. That you're sorry. So I can believe that you won't hurt me like this all the time. That you can realize you've been irritable and wrong.

It's funny. It felt good saying what I said. It started this stupid argument, but honestly, I couldn't take it.
I despise when people take their anger out on me. Despite the fact that I try so hard to provide a happy, good environment.
I couldn't take it. What happened today happens too often. I thought about too much and it just frustrated me. Honestly, when I told you, I wasn't expecting this argument. I didn't even tell you with this angered voice, (And if I sounded angry, I guess that's my fault. Because it was a voice of genuine hurt.) and yet you responded with this angry tone.
It set me off, to be scolded for feeling hurt.
Honestly, you blew up on me, for no reason. I did nothing wrong. I was an innocent person, in a good mood, who was yelled at.
No no no. I can't take that sht.

I told you what was on my mind, just hoping for a cute little, "I'm sorry hun, I was being a jerk." Because GOD DAMN IT YOU WERE. BUT NO, You go off saying, 'No one in the world thinks.' In your OWN bitchass words to your own friends, "are you fuckin retarded?" HOW DO YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD THAT THINKS?
And another thing, WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU YELLING AT ME?!?!?!?
Okay, so the whole world is wrong.
You yelled at me because the whole world is wrong.
Not me that was wrong, bu the whole world.
How the fuck does that make it right to blow up on me when I didn't do anything?

You're reasoning is horrible. You make no sense.
And if you think you do, fucking explain it better because I don't see how:
"It was the world's fault= I will yell at my girlfriend."

All I wanted, was to know that you felt bad about yelling at me for no reason.
I wanted to hear you were SORRY, so I don't have to feel like this person who has to sit hear, and be yelled at, and listen to you treat me like NOTHING. SCUM. DIRT. NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But you show no remorse, you don't even think what you did was wrong. Which means that it'll happen again, and again, and again.
I will not sit here and just be taken advantage of...
I want someone who will treat me right... and at least own up to his mistakes when he knows he hasn't..............................


I am so frustrated. My head is spinning and it hurts.

Dear You,

(Moved from Tumblr... LOL)
Life is not pointless, but more so, difficult. On the contrary, I believe it is an absolute opportunity.
How you’re feeling is normal. Under your circumstances, what has happened to you, I admire you so much for putting a smile on your face, any day, if not every.

Trust me, I also feel the same way. Different circumstances, but I also wondered if I was clinically depressed.
Just today….. I felt like curling up into a ball on my bed, with my blanket, some hot chocolate. Do NOTHING else. Today was just such a depressing day.
I feel like it’s either normal, or we both need help…. LOL.
And if you go, so will I! <3
But honestly, I think you’ll be just fine. You still fight, any chance you can, to have a good time, and be known, be happy.
Sometimes you aren’t happy all the time. Who is?
Just don’t give up, because circumstances will change if you make them change.
(This is in general, not with all situations.)

I just have a lot of faith in you. I really do.
You should know that I will always have faith in you.

You’ll have something to look forward to soon.
Just have to put up w/ the bad, for just a while longer.
AND I’LL BE HOME <3
And who knows, Next Year, there’s always the option for you to move in with me in my apartment. :)
I’d be SO excited! I KNOW You’ll love my friends and hell, you’ll make so many new ones of your own!
You’ll be just fine, just keep fighting. <3

Love,
Sherry.