.....Fuck.

Why did I say it.

...............I'm turning into, "myself" again.
Is it possible that there is ANYONE out there that can make "this" me stop existing?
I think it's just moodswings.
I feel like I jinxed it by saying those 3 words.
Jees. Just, eff this.
No clingyness.
No control.
Just fuck that, I hate that sht.
This is why I've learned to fear commitment, and dislike relationships.
I am angry right now, at myself
But, it's probably just mood swings.
What ever I do now, will change everything in the future.
So just gotta NOT BE A DUMBASS when I have moodswings, and we'll see where this goes.

Its like an earthquake, shaking up the way I love you.

I sent this to my brother, and said, "I LOVE YOU BROTHER!"

He replied with, "I Love You Too =)"

First time ever. Not going to lie, I felt like tears were brimming my eyes.

"Do you like him, or is it just nice to be around someone?"
.....hm........... You've got me questioning.

Today, he went to a party, and couldn't come over to make mashed potatoes with me, to spend Thanksgiving. Of course, I was down about it, I tried not to be, but I was. I'm worried, that I'm going to turn back into who I was, when I was with Henry.
However, just as I was about to type, "): Feeling down." he knocked on my window. And surprised me.

Hello world, I have an announcement.
Tonight was the first night, I looked at him, and smiled, and said, "I Love You."
Now, I'm hoping that I don't have to regret what I said.
I'm hoping that I Love Him. Not just "having someone." Please, don't let me hurt him. I don't want to hurt him..

Look, I can type it now.
I LOVE.... MY BOYFRIEND.
.....Wow, that feels weird.
NOT SAYING IT AGAIN FOR A LONG TIME!!!

PS- Happy 7th Months, Honey Mustard.

Hello world.

What is it about this one person that terrifies me so much?
Maybe the fact that I've hardly known him for a little over half a year.
Maybe it's the fact that, despite that, I seem to trust him with all I have.
And yet, I don't want to trust him.
There's always a part saying, "And what if... He's just..."
Lies. It's always lying to me.

Someone shut the voice up. It's messing with my head. I know he'd be hurt/...or a little girl, if he saw these posts.

Is this just puppy love? I mean, it's a whole different world, but some things remain so similar. I can not tell what is real, and what is serious, from what isn't.

I don't think... this is serious.......... is it?

Fucking Sht.

It's already happening. FUCK MY KSMFKSMFLSMFLS


...I don't want to be this way. ):

When someone tells me stuff like "You're in ----" "Does it make you ---- him more?"

I'm like, "WTF. NO. NO. NO! NO LOVE. LIKE! LIKE!!!! LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then when I say to myself, "I don't ----him..." I'm also like, 'Oh, shut up already.'
I can't even put the word "l----" next to "him."

This is ridiculous.

Hey You. :)

-You can trust me!
And I definitely have felt that we haven't been as close, but I will always be your friend. :>
I just hate that it's so damn difficult to re-instill the bond we had, because of all this crap we have going on in our lives.

BUT NEVER FRET TO ASK ME TO HANG OUT, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE TO! :)
Promise!

....I WILL MAKE THIS BLOG PRIVATE.

.. or just make a new one?
LOL...

Eating with the bfraand and his mama.

Mama: Why don't you just go out somewhere fancy to eat?
Him: Only on occasion. Gotta save money!
Mama: What are you saving for?! You're going to go off and buy a house huh?!
- He laughs -
-I am drinking water-
Mama: What, you want to get married and leave the house already?
Him: -joking-I wonder to who-
-I choke on my water uncontrollably-

....hm.

OMG. GUYS. GUYS. GUYS!

....I think, I'm falling.
And, I'm starting to admit it??
And, I'm happy, yet terrified at the same time.

What am I feeling?!
I think... I think...... I'm letting go of my commitment fears.
I think.. I might start to............
I think... I'm falling for.............
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Yet, I feel scared, that if this final walls breaks down, I'll be hurt again.
I don't want to like someone so much... if it's just going to.....
................*sigh.*

............Damn feelings.