Shame.

So a recent event has shocked me into fear, and made me realize what a brat I am. I've never felt so disappointed and ashamed of myself in my whole life.

I have the best parents, in the world. Or at least I had. I was a horrible kid. Of course I locked myself into this corner, but I was still an average kid. I exaggerated of my childhood. Sure, I did feel left out and not favored. But my parents loved me.

They weren't around, but when they were I know now that they tried their damn hardest to take care of me. A couple from Vietnam, two kids, both did not go to college.

They loved me. My mom loved me, my dad loved me. I was his little girl. And over time. that all changed. I began to convince myself they didn't love me, just bkos we weren't like the families on t.v.. that ate together.

And I blame myself for how my family has turned out. Broken, fragile little pieces. I hate it

I'm putting this here not to have your sympathy. But to admit to yu now that I have the best parents in the world, who I love with all my heart, and they love me too.

They aren't "fkced up" they aren't anything. It's my fault for how things have ended up between us, they're great parents.

I've never in my life felt so ashamed of everything I've done. I'm a horrible person. I've disappointed my mom so much, and I know that. I'm a horrible, horrible person. I don't want to disappoint my mom ever. but sadly, I know I will.

I'm going to try my best to stop with the lies, exaggeration, dreams. That I myself, don't even know why I make it up. It's like I'm so caught up in this fairytale life, it's just not reality.

I just hope I'll be able to fix everything. I hope I'm going to be okay.
It is 12 o'clock in the morning. And I have never been so scared and worried in my whole life. I'm shaking. I wish so much Henry was here right now.... I need someone to tell me it's going to be okay..

"if this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?"


Don't Ask Me About This. I Beg You.