Can't stand it,

Well, I was just talking to Henry. He got in trouble, and before that it was not a pleasant mood conversation. Aughh. So I kinda wish that we could've ended that better.
So lately, It's been sucking, but maybe its just bkos I've been making it worse than it accually could be.

Lets see, my anger gets to me a lot. I'm not the world's most patient person, or even close to it.
I have a lot of built in anger. And I could blame things, but deep down I really just think it's my fault. My dad, gets me so worked up. But that's the kind of person he is. My additude, and his do not match up at all. He'll get pissed off for no reason, and I get pisses off by additude. Someone's additude can ruin my entire day.
I have to learn how to deal with that. How? i have no clue. I have a lot of stress, which turned into anger, that's built up bkos I dnt know how to get ride of it. I can calm down, but i can still feel it. And it just builds up, it blasts around inside driving me crazy. Maybe i'll go learn from the monks.
So Henry, is like the #1 Victim of my anger. Bkos he's always trying to make me feel better. And that works me up bkos he does not deserve that at all. And due to circumstances that he has and goes through, usually at really bad times, it makes me worse and worse.

Right now I feel like, I should break up with him, but not bkos I want to, i really don't want to. It's just that, I'm so much fkcing trouble to deal with, I dnt wanna break apart from him, just let him be free of all my bullsht. He already has his own problems to deal with. He's the kinda guy who would say to himself "It's okay, she'll get over it. Just hang on and just try your best to make her happy." No thoughts like "She's abusing me, she's a bitch! She doesn't know how good she's got it." And I love that about him. He's special, he's perfect. Thing is, it'll take me so long to rid the anger. He's just hoping it ends, wuht if I go too far one day? I'm such a fkcing stupidass. A Stupid stupid stupidass. Wuht if I'm too much for him to handle anymore? I'd be pushing him away. And he'd be gone forever..


I know I need to learn how to stop, but why cant I? Why can't I? ]: I'm so upset right now. I don't want to lose Henry..





Starting Log without Anger Blow up's on Henry:
[x] Day One. *starting tomarrow.. LOL..*