God, These past few days have been rough. But, god. He's special. I can't explain it, and yes I know that's just some gay Cliche that everyone uses, but he's special. I've honestly never felt this way before yunnoe? And I'm hoping, I'll never have to feel this way about anyone ever again. I want to be with him yunnoe? :] he makes me happy, and even though we have our little things every now and then, which is usually my fault bkos i'm a dramatic drama queen -_-, we'll forget about it soon, and just be back to the can't get enough of each other phase.
It's going to be a year now, and I love how after all this time, i still can't get enough of him, we hug like we haven't seen each other in months, our good byes are still 30 mins long, we can't ever stand seeing the other one leave, and I know, i wouldn't wanna have it any other way.
Almost a year, and we're still in our "Hunneymoon phase" the phase that ppl claim just last for a few months. I'm thinking one year isn't an end to a year, but the beginning of a new lifetime. I don't want to end it thinking, "it lasted ___ years." I want to end it with something like, "Hunnnney, who turned out all the lights? o_o" and yesh, i mean I'm dead when I'm saying that. -_- DON'T YU GET IT?! IT NEVER ENDED. LOL.
Well, I really wanna get him something special.. I want to show him how much he means to me, [ that is impossible to show though, ;DDDD it's just too much! ]
Friday, January 30, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
I feel underprivaledged.
Its either I'm under privaledged. Or I'm just retarded. This year, I haven't been able to learn SHIT. Cept from my chemistry teacher. I feel fucking dumb as fuck. I cant get anything, and i don't know answers to anything on tests.
Now My buddies, say they do learn things. In most of their classes. And I don't get why I haven't been able to learn. Diddly do da squat. Nothing. I remember I was taking the final for history, I guessed on like every damn question. And yunnoe wuht? We had notes and the book aloud. Nothing sticks in my head. They're teaching us this old fashion way that doesn't seem to be helping us learn anything. This old style of; Read, answer questions, take tests. Doesn't do crap for me. I just do it as I do it and don't remember sht after I'm done. I hate it. I feel fkcing stupid.
And in math, I cnt use my brain to do simple math problems. bkos I dnt know if it's possible. Bkos all they did was teach us the confusing as crap way in the book, that says "Here's one rule. Stick to it. Find the answer" How the fkc do yu find it? They give yu the basic way to get it, but they dnt at all consider all the twists and turns that we have to do in order to get to that basic stage. And I hate it, bkos we'll see it and say "Wtf? they didn't teach us this" its like learning and answering the question WRONGLY. Over and over and over.
Wuhts the point having answers to lots of questions, when they're wrong wrong wrong.
And you dnt know how to fix it bkos its not explained. Things are too complicated, and need to be introduced in a way that can show us how to remember it.
Now My buddies, say they do learn things. In most of their classes. And I don't get why I haven't been able to learn. Diddly do da squat. Nothing. I remember I was taking the final for history, I guessed on like every damn question. And yunnoe wuht? We had notes and the book aloud. Nothing sticks in my head. They're teaching us this old fashion way that doesn't seem to be helping us learn anything. This old style of; Read, answer questions, take tests. Doesn't do crap for me. I just do it as I do it and don't remember sht after I'm done. I hate it. I feel fkcing stupid.
And in math, I cnt use my brain to do simple math problems. bkos I dnt know if it's possible. Bkos all they did was teach us the confusing as crap way in the book, that says "Here's one rule. Stick to it. Find the answer" How the fkc do yu find it? They give yu the basic way to get it, but they dnt at all consider all the twists and turns that we have to do in order to get to that basic stage. And I hate it, bkos we'll see it and say "Wtf? they didn't teach us this" its like learning and answering the question WRONGLY. Over and over and over.
Wuhts the point having answers to lots of questions, when they're wrong wrong wrong.
And you dnt know how to fix it bkos its not explained. Things are too complicated, and need to be introduced in a way that can show us how to remember it.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Can't stand it,
Well, I was just talking to Henry. He got in trouble, and before that it was not a pleasant mood conversation. Aughh. So I kinda wish that we could've ended that better.
So lately, It's been sucking, but maybe its just bkos I've been making it worse than it accually could be.
Lets see, my anger gets to me a lot. I'm not the world's most patient person, or even close to it.
I have a lot of built in anger. And I could blame things, but deep down I really just think it's my fault. My dad, gets me so worked up. But that's the kind of person he is. My additude, and his do not match up at all. He'll get pissed off for no reason, and I get pisses off by additude. Someone's additude can ruin my entire day.
I have to learn how to deal with that. How? i have no clue. I have a lot of stress, which turned into anger, that's built up bkos I dnt know how to get ride of it. I can calm down, but i can still feel it. And it just builds up, it blasts around inside driving me crazy. Maybe i'll go learn from the monks.
So Henry, is like the #1 Victim of my anger. Bkos he's always trying to make me feel better. And that works me up bkos he does not deserve that at all. And due to circumstances that he has and goes through, usually at really bad times, it makes me worse and worse.
Right now I feel like, I should break up with him, but not bkos I want to, i really don't want to. It's just that, I'm so much fkcing trouble to deal with, I dnt wanna break apart from him, just let him be free of all my bullsht. He already has his own problems to deal with. He's the kinda guy who would say to himself "It's okay, she'll get over it. Just hang on and just try your best to make her happy." No thoughts like "She's abusing me, she's a bitch! She doesn't know how good she's got it." And I love that about him. He's special, he's perfect. Thing is, it'll take me so long to rid the anger. He's just hoping it ends, wuht if I go too far one day? I'm such a fkcing stupidass. A Stupid stupid stupidass. Wuht if I'm too much for him to handle anymore? I'd be pushing him away. And he'd be gone forever..
I know I need to learn how to stop, but why cant I? Why can't I? ]: I'm so upset right now. I don't want to lose Henry..
Starting Log without Anger Blow up's on Henry:
[x] Day One. *starting tomarrow.. LOL..*
So lately, It's been sucking, but maybe its just bkos I've been making it worse than it accually could be.
Lets see, my anger gets to me a lot. I'm not the world's most patient person, or even close to it.
I have a lot of built in anger. And I could blame things, but deep down I really just think it's my fault. My dad, gets me so worked up. But that's the kind of person he is. My additude, and his do not match up at all. He'll get pissed off for no reason, and I get pisses off by additude. Someone's additude can ruin my entire day.
I have to learn how to deal with that. How? i have no clue. I have a lot of stress, which turned into anger, that's built up bkos I dnt know how to get ride of it. I can calm down, but i can still feel it. And it just builds up, it blasts around inside driving me crazy. Maybe i'll go learn from the monks.
So Henry, is like the #1 Victim of my anger. Bkos he's always trying to make me feel better. And that works me up bkos he does not deserve that at all. And due to circumstances that he has and goes through, usually at really bad times, it makes me worse and worse.
Right now I feel like, I should break up with him, but not bkos I want to, i really don't want to. It's just that, I'm so much fkcing trouble to deal with, I dnt wanna break apart from him, just let him be free of all my bullsht. He already has his own problems to deal with. He's the kinda guy who would say to himself "It's okay, she'll get over it. Just hang on and just try your best to make her happy." No thoughts like "She's abusing me, she's a bitch! She doesn't know how good she's got it." And I love that about him. He's special, he's perfect. Thing is, it'll take me so long to rid the anger. He's just hoping it ends, wuht if I go too far one day? I'm such a fkcing stupidass. A Stupid stupid stupidass. Wuht if I'm too much for him to handle anymore? I'd be pushing him away. And he'd be gone forever..
I know I need to learn how to stop, but why cant I? Why can't I? ]: I'm so upset right now. I don't want to lose Henry..
Starting Log without Anger Blow up's on Henry:
[x] Day One. *starting tomarrow.. LOL..*
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Moon Is Yellow.
Today was mine&Henry's 11 months. Did it go well? Not excatly. Some parts were really fun, i really did try to keep a positive additude and stay happy. But my own moodswings and anger piss me off, i cnt control them. I wanted to be happy all day but instead i went through about 40 moodswings.
Well, the day of yellow moon is a sad day for us all, or maybe just me.
The project, i didn't really feel included in it at all. I mean, the only parts I got, one's getting cut out, the others may not even be put in. They parts i did really wanna do, to accually make it MY project too, i didn't get to finish. I mean, most ppl got wuht they wanted to do to make it THEIR project yunnoe? No no, im just being spoiled right now. I cant start saying that crap. Truth is, i'm just being greedy.. I really just wanted to feel involved too.
Buddha got to chase Henry, and be the funny dude, Hieu got the fighting scene he always wanted. I mean, yunnoe. I wanted me and Henry to have a little scene too. Henry; Overly acting actor that makes it look GOOD. Trung: Funny noodle seller/assassin. Buddha: FUNNY GUY IN GENERAL. Hieu: actiony character. Me: I was the drama/romance part of the movie. Now its just a lot of funny, followed by a sad ending, for me. I mean it ends with the other two having funny endings, Hieu is screaming and killing his already dead brother, while Henry is running miles and miles away from his new wife, I just leave the house, sad. I mean, it feels unfinished yunnoe? Its not only that i'm greedy for a part, but i really think i could've made the project better, if I had gotten a chance.
]: Oh well.
Well, the day of yellow moon is a sad day for us all, or maybe just me.
The project, i didn't really feel included in it at all. I mean, the only parts I got, one's getting cut out, the others may not even be put in. They parts i did really wanna do, to accually make it MY project too, i didn't get to finish. I mean, most ppl got wuht they wanted to do to make it THEIR project yunnoe? No no, im just being spoiled right now. I cant start saying that crap. Truth is, i'm just being greedy.. I really just wanted to feel involved too.
Buddha got to chase Henry, and be the funny dude, Hieu got the fighting scene he always wanted. I mean, yunnoe. I wanted me and Henry to have a little scene too. Henry; Overly acting actor that makes it look GOOD. Trung: Funny noodle seller/assassin. Buddha: FUNNY GUY IN GENERAL. Hieu: actiony character. Me: I was the drama/romance part of the movie. Now its just a lot of funny, followed by a sad ending, for me. I mean it ends with the other two having funny endings, Hieu is screaming and killing his already dead brother, while Henry is running miles and miles away from his new wife, I just leave the house, sad. I mean, it feels unfinished yunnoe? Its not only that i'm greedy for a part, but i really think i could've made the project better, if I had gotten a chance.
]: Oh well.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
L.D.O.B. / F.D.A.S.
Last day of Break, First day of School. >> BACK, at school.
Sherry; 2nd day of school. Man. I've been so stressed and forgetful lately, I mean I should be so happy that I get to see Henry again, every day! But, oh man. The stress of finals, the fact that school's just so the SAME everyday, it bores me. to death. Auuugh. New year's resolution, come into affect! Ms.Heger moved me away from Henry. Tear Tear! HUNNEY BUNNEY ]: Well, Henry has Juan, so I guess I'll have to find a person to be a cool friend. somehow.
First Day Back At School;
It was.. alright. I mean, it was cool to see everyone again, but damn. First day back and I'm swarmed with alla this work, its overwhelming . I was so tired and had the hugest headache. It was fun when we were at Vjay's doing the project though, I fatassed off her spaghetti :D Is that how you spell it? Well, lets see what I can remember. Saw Henry in the morning, Yay! He was cute, as always, shocked that I had a poofy jacket. o_o 1st period was normal, it was just review, the practice for the test blaaaah. 2nd period, god work work work. Hw! Arrg. It was easy though, I guess. 3rd period, Er. we got new books....I cnt remember. 4th period. Walked around, that was accually kinda fun, but it was nothing compared to last year's P.E. Cept I got Henry more often. Which kinda feels like I'm forcing him into it. Arrrg. Again. 5th period. Holy sht man that is something i'm NOT going to miss. Damn history bores the fxup outta me. Fun part though, Mr.Frausto randomly asks me out loud if I ever drank. Course, i said no... :DDD And the class laughs, saying they'll hold my hand the first time. -_- Ha, funny. 6th period; I missed this class accually. Even though I don't really have any close Buddies! Bkos they're all Henry's friends, well. 70%Henry's friend. 30%Mine. -_- So, its not very yunnoe. I just wish I had some like CLOSE friends, close awesome friends. Its no help trynna find them at JL when they're no new choices. We'll see what happens.
Last Day Of Break.
After a long 5/4.. [Henry.. LOL] days without Henry, he finally came back! And the next day we got ready to spend the day together :] Went to the movies, and watched Marley&Me, Yea, we teared, I think he teared more than me though. LOL He's so cute<3 It was a sad/good movie. Afterward, we were going to sneak into another, just to cuddle :D without a crowded audience. But not much luck, so we left and got a hotdog and candy, then went shopping! Henry got New shoes, and I got new jeans and a new shirt :D ... 30 bucks man, oh wait, 28. -_- But 10 DOLLAR JEANS :D So then, we go back to his house, what did we do there? Hm. I think we ate food, then had SUPER DUPER GOOD CHOCOLATE CAKE :DDDDD And then watched part of "The curious case of Benjamin Button" :D It was getting good. haha. We'll finish it next time ;] I think that day was a perfect way to end break, <3
Well, School's a DRAG. I was thinking about college again, wtih alla the work and stuff I just strt thinking about serious issues dealing with school. And, I'm nothing special, I was in Vball, I'm in Viet club, I won 1st place at a contest only in MY school. What would Berkeley want with me? ]: I mean, I'm nothing special at all. And I have to change that. I mean, Sheri's in all kinds of things, and she's way ahead of me in academics. And Annie has been to all kinds of programs and ect, she's in lots of school activities, and she's done community service. I mean, they're special, they're interesting. I'm not. I've got to change that but how can I without the proper support and activities I need from the school? I wanna hunt down every person that went to college and went to JL, i wanna see if anyone got into Berkeley and just stalk them and ask what made THEM so special. I think I'm gonna need to start thinking more about college..
Sherry; 2nd day of school. Man. I've been so stressed and forgetful lately, I mean I should be so happy that I get to see Henry again, every day! But, oh man. The stress of finals, the fact that school's just so the SAME everyday, it bores me. to death. Auuugh. New year's resolution, come into affect! Ms.Heger moved me away from Henry. Tear Tear! HUNNEY BUNNEY ]: Well, Henry has Juan, so I guess I'll have to find a person to be a cool friend. somehow.
First Day Back At School;
It was.. alright. I mean, it was cool to see everyone again, but damn. First day back and I'm swarmed with alla this work, its overwhelming . I was so tired and had the hugest headache. It was fun when we were at Vjay's doing the project though, I fatassed off her spaghetti :D Is that how you spell it? Well, lets see what I can remember. Saw Henry in the morning, Yay! He was cute, as always, shocked that I had a poofy jacket. o_o 1st period was normal, it was just review, the practice for the test blaaaah. 2nd period, god work work work. Hw! Arrg. It was easy though, I guess. 3rd period, Er. we got new books....I cnt remember. 4th period. Walked around, that was accually kinda fun, but it was nothing compared to last year's P.E. Cept I got Henry more often. Which kinda feels like I'm forcing him into it. Arrrg. Again. 5th period. Holy sht man that is something i'm NOT going to miss. Damn history bores the fxup outta me. Fun part though, Mr.Frausto randomly asks me out loud if I ever drank. Course, i said no... :DDD And the class laughs, saying they'll hold my hand the first time. -_- Ha, funny. 6th period; I missed this class accually. Even though I don't really have any close Buddies! Bkos they're all Henry's friends, well. 70%Henry's friend. 30%Mine. -_- So, its not very yunnoe. I just wish I had some like CLOSE friends, close awesome friends. Its no help trynna find them at JL when they're no new choices. We'll see what happens.
Last Day Of Break.
After a long 5/4.. [Henry.. LOL] days without Henry, he finally came back! And the next day we got ready to spend the day together :] Went to the movies, and watched Marley&Me, Yea, we teared, I think he teared more than me though. LOL He's so cute<3 It was a sad/good movie. Afterward, we were going to sneak into another, just to cuddle :D without a crowded audience. But not much luck, so we left and got a hotdog and candy, then went shopping! Henry got New shoes, and I got new jeans and a new shirt :D ... 30 bucks man, oh wait, 28. -_- But 10 DOLLAR JEANS :D So then, we go back to his house, what did we do there? Hm. I think we ate food, then had SUPER DUPER GOOD CHOCOLATE CAKE :DDDDD And then watched part of "The curious case of Benjamin Button" :D It was getting good. haha. We'll finish it next time ;] I think that day was a perfect way to end break, <3
Well, School's a DRAG. I was thinking about college again, wtih alla the work and stuff I just strt thinking about serious issues dealing with school. And, I'm nothing special, I was in Vball, I'm in Viet club, I won 1st place at a contest only in MY school. What would Berkeley want with me? ]: I mean, I'm nothing special at all. And I have to change that. I mean, Sheri's in all kinds of things, and she's way ahead of me in academics. And Annie has been to all kinds of programs and ect, she's in lots of school activities, and she's done community service. I mean, they're special, they're interesting. I'm not. I've got to change that but how can I without the proper support and activities I need from the school? I wanna hunt down every person that went to college and went to JL, i wanna see if anyone got into Berkeley and just stalk them and ask what made THEM so special. I think I'm gonna need to start thinking more about college..
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Thinking Of Henry,
Man, I miss him. I haven't gotten to spend a date with him in sooooo long. No really, A DATE. As in, a time where we go out together, and have alone time. To cuddle and laugh and just be with each other, ourselves.
Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get with you,
Tonight, but I can not,
baby boy, and thats the issue,
Boy you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now so,
baby kiss me through the phone,
I'll see you later on,
Kiss me through the phone,
See you when I get home.
Well, Thinking about him so much, I miss him, and I know he wants alone time with me, I want that a loooootttt. But when I think about it, he loves it when we spend time together with his family, He really loves his family and everything..
I feel really awkward and everything, I'm not very sociable, especially not in vietnamese, but I Love him, and I want him to be happy, and nothing bad would really come out of it yunnoe? And it would probly end up being better for me too.
So I think, When he gets back, we should have a day where we all play DOMINOES together, all of us. And maybe we can do "Who wins doesn't have to wash dishes" :]
haha Bkos, I think that would be fun, and I think he'd really like that<3 It amazes me how he loves his family so much, yunnoe? I mean his childhood wasn't perfect, much like mine. But he's like perfect, he turned out, PERFECT. And he's like the Role model child in the family, I think you'd be able to see it to.
I wanna make you happy Hunney<3 :]
Damn, I miss you so freaking much. I just want to hug you and kiss you so bad.. It's been too long. <3
Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get with you,
Tonight, but I can not,
baby boy, and thats the issue,
Boy you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now so,
baby kiss me through the phone,
I'll see you later on,
Kiss me through the phone,
See you when I get home.
Well, Thinking about him so much, I miss him, and I know he wants alone time with me, I want that a loooootttt. But when I think about it, he loves it when we spend time together with his family, He really loves his family and everything..
I feel really awkward and everything, I'm not very sociable, especially not in vietnamese, but I Love him, and I want him to be happy, and nothing bad would really come out of it yunnoe? And it would probly end up being better for me too.
So I think, When he gets back, we should have a day where we all play DOMINOES together, all of us. And maybe we can do "Who wins doesn't have to wash dishes" :]
haha Bkos, I think that would be fun, and I think he'd really like that<3 It amazes me how he loves his family so much, yunnoe? I mean his childhood wasn't perfect, much like mine. But he's like perfect, he turned out, PERFECT. And he's like the Role model child in the family, I think you'd be able to see it to.
I wanna make you happy Hunney<3 :]
Damn, I miss you so freaking much. I just want to hug you and kiss you so bad.. It's been too long. <3
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