Rant? Kinda.

Haha, Maaan. I'm spending so much money on people this year, but yunnoe, I'm happy. I don't even talk to them that much anymore, its the least I can do! To make up for My Absence. I know i have to get Vjay something, bkos she's like 1. My only best girl friend at the school -_- 2. Completely understands me bkos she's in the same position. 3. We have a very retarded Bond :D
And Gino, I just feel like i haven't been a very good friend to him lately, so i'm happy i got him omething :D i just hope he doens't already have it o_o

I think I might get Michael something, i mean, he's pretty cool. He's accually like one of my best friends at school! Haha.

So today, i was mean to Henry. Yeaaa. And the quetion popped into my head, "Am I too cold for Henry? Like the book says?" I really hope not. But I think i might be. Its bkos i don't know how to deal with things, when he makes me sad or disappointed. I mean I can feel really sad, but what can I do about it? I try not to make him sad. But that just makes me sad. And I guess it can be judged as "coldness" But what can I do? Someone tell me what can I do? Just ignore it and pretend nothing happened? I can't do that. Bkos I love him so much. Just sometimes, he'll hurt my feelings. I know i shouldn't blow up on him, bkos I often do that when i'm irritated. Which i shouldn't. He has enough problems coming from me, and I shouldn't create more yunnoe?

Well, tell me if I'm wrong or not, or what I should do. So I got ready yesterday, picked out EVERYTHING, planned everything so that I would be early. And he told that he might just go play basketball, in case I came late, but i told him i was going to be early for sure. So i came, and ran over and asked if He was there yet. "No, he's not in the lockers." So i'm happy. I thought i was early. And I was standing waiting for i dunno how long excatly? And Henry appears from the doorway. "Yay! My Hunneybunney's finally here!" is what I'm thinking. "Oh I was playing basketball." He replies... Ouch. That hurt.
He knew I said I was coming early. Did he just not think I was going to show up early? Didn't believe I would do what I said? Well, it just hurt me. Bkos i told him i was gonna be early. I really wanted to spend time with him before school. This always happens too. When I'm early, he's not. When he's early, I'm not. And it just made me sad bkos, i was early. He was early. So i was pretty sad.. Yea, I'm a clingy drama queen.
He wrote me saying sorry, and that he knew I was mad for waiting. No. I wasn't. I wasn't mad bkos I had to wait. I would wait forever to be with him. I was just frustrated, bkos this thing always happens. Disappointed, of all the effort I put into it just to wait alone while he was playing basketball. Sad, bkos in the end, i still didn't get to spend time with him.

My emotions ran deep, and i didn't know how to react. So i guess i was "cold" to him... What was I supposed to do in that situation? I know if we had switched places though, he would be fine with it, disappointed, but probly would've pretended he was over it. I wish I could do that for him sake, I really wish I could. But I can't. I know I shouldn't be too hard on him. it's not his fault at all. its probably my fault, he said he was going to play basketball, maybe i should've just gone to check if he was there. there i go again being stupid.

Well, at least we got over that. I don't know what to do. I mean, I've been in relationships before, But Henry is nothing like the others. Nothing at all. So it feels like I'm in my first relationship all over again. Someone help me out here.

Henry, I love you hunney, no matter how much of a stupidass I am. I Love You, Very Much<3