Haha. Jealousy.

No No, I know wuht you're thinking. Its Not Henry. Well, not this time. HAHA. So I was hanging out with Gino &Vjay &Henry after his first homegame! [ More details after. ] And I don't know how, but it got to the whole "College" conversation. And after I went home. Ugh. Saddness and depression. I started thinking about how, all my life, my brother had my family. I was one with friends for a family. He was the one with accually family. I mean, I don't want to be a drama queen [ though i know i already am ] but i just feel like typing this, so maybe i can read this one day and prove myself wrong.. When I was little, my parents usually left me. At the daycare. And took my brother around with them. And I always thought to myself, "Why? Why not me?" and when They would drop My brother &Me at my grandparent's house. They'd be like asking my brother and spoiling him and everything. While I sat there on the couch. And I thought, "Why? Why not me?" I never even stayed at my grandparents house. I would walk around the neighborhood and make friends. And those 5 or 6 year olds knew more about me in a week then my grandparents "tried" to find out in years.

I've been very jealous of my brother, i was a bitter kid. I got over that, bkos I was one, with friends. &I let go of the fact that "Family"'s not as close as they are in the t.v. shows. I may not have had all my family, but I had some, better than none. And maybe, they had a good reason for the things they did.. I thought i was rid of that whole thing. But recently, as I said before, my parents told me that they're not helping me pay for college at all. They can't afford it. Yet they can afford to send my brother. "Why? Why not me?" runs through my head. "He's older," I felt like just exploding in tears, but yunnoe, i didn't. Maybe I just stoned up after all that time. Well, My brother has a whole lotta friends this year. So he has a family. family family, and friends as family. The old me would say "Why, why not me?" But, i'm tired of asking. I'm not getting any answers. So i'm just going to try to stop being so painfully envious. And I'm just going to be happy for him. Bkos he's my brother, and maybe this way, i'll get some of that good luck coming my way.

I'm already lucky enough yunnoe? Sure some things are gonna be tough. I have the Best Friend that any could ever possibly dream of. I Fkcing Love You Sheri, <3 And I Have the husband, that is waaay better than any little "princess" could want as a little girl. I Love You Hunney, Let's get married. :) My Mom is the most hard working, and I understand why she can't support me as much, that just means she believes i'm strong enough to survive what comes next.

So I'm Happy. I'm happy I got over everything. Bkos believe or not, after all that time being alone, taking care of myself, I'm deffinately ready to support myself, and I know I'll have the best of the best helping me along the way. <3


How did such burning envy turn into happyness and pride? :]