To you,

All those years, of you ruining our family.
All those times you doubted me, called me names.
Told me that I would screw up my life, told me it was already too late.
Showing your current lack of faith.

Stealing my money, claiming that I didn't even work hard for it anyways, that I didn't deserve all the nice things I had, even though I probably paid for, with my own money, 80% of them.

Despite all those things the younger me constantly did, always trying to win your approval, your confidence in me, every little certificate I saved way back from kindergarten, just to remind myself that I am not what you say I am.
Always, it ended up in the trash if I showed you. Always, you'd regard it as nothing.
Thanks for missing my graduation, thanks for "mixing up the date" and going gambling instead. Thanks for blowing my mother's money when you could have been showing me support as I walked the stage.

Did I tell you I made it to UC Berkeley?
Did I tell you that I've had my own job, and needed none of your help all these years?
That you, have done nothing but slow me down, and yet, I am still here today?

I have only one song to show you.

My boyfriend.

So, you will be gone for 3 days.

As you left me, I thought, "It's only 3 days, they'll go by like nothingggg!"
Now I am sitting on my desk. And I miss you.
Though... I'm hoping it's not because I'm bored.. Lol.
I want to call you, but, I shall not cling to you.

Go hun, have the time of your life in Las Vegas. Live it up.
I Love You to have fun, and just get the most out of your life.
<+3 Be the person you want to be, no restrictions other than your own guilt and feelings, because that is the man I want to love.

See you on Sunday. :) <+3
I am expecting lots and lots of presents and souven- I AM JK!

I must suck of my fear of leaving my mother behind.
I must, move out, with hope and trust that she will be fine without me, she won't forget me. My brother will take good care of her.
I will have a talk with him, as well as some close friends, to check up on mother for me while I am gone.

I must go to school, and make her proud. And find a well paying job.
So I can take care of the woman who has loved me so much.

Even if that means, I will not see her as often anymore.

It is almost 1AM.

And it has just hit me, that I am an Alumni.
I am no longer a James Lick High School Student, but instead -a graduate.

And it filled me with such a bittersweet feelings.
The times of loneliness, wanting nothing more but another spring break, another day off, another escape from school.
But really, these years were the best years of my life, and senior year, the best year of my life.
I really appreciate the fact that I went to James Lick High School.
Perhaps not the most "out there" or "fun" school, but nonetheless this year was still fun and grand to me.

I can not fathom, or better stated, accept the fact that I will not be coming back.
I can not believe that in a few months, I will be moving out, into a new world.
It pains me, yet excites me.

I look at pictures from my graduation, and what hurts me the most is the pictures of my mother and I.
I love my mother so much. I don't want to leave her behind.
I don't want to leave her in the wrecked house, where she will yell, and scream, and I won't be there to protect her,or talk to her, or cheer her up anymore.

I am so sad at the fact that I have been so negligent to my dear mother lately, I miss being the girl that would wake up 7am to clean the entire house, leave a card saying "Good Morning! I Love You Mom!" and some type of failed cooking on her desk.

I Miss That. I Miss Her.
I'm just not ready to let her go.
):

"What's wrong with that? Can't I just look at my wife?"

......hehe.. lol.

"I'll always be your knight, whether you like it or not."

<3

Not studying.

Instead, I looked over at all my old blog posts.

Wow.

I really really had an issue with commitment... I am so emotionally indecisive.
Its like, I Love him, I don't, I'm scared to like him, I'm embracing it.

Haha, it's funny too. Because there was this one post that said,
"You still have a wall. That he is desperately trying to break down."

And that made me smile. Because, it is so true. He was desperately trying to break it down. You can not even begin to imagine, this boy, this love of mine, he is always thinking ahead, always telling me these corny love lines straight from a book, always trying his damn best to assure me, "I will always be there. I WILL."
When he hurt me, it was from my doubt, while the only thing that hurt him was my doubt.
He wants to be my knight in shining armor, he wants to be everything I want in a relationship. And it's just damn adorable how hard he tries.
(........Sometimes. When he's not into his ipod touch. LOL)

He is the only person in this world, who takes corny lines straight from the book, and mean it with all his heart.

Haha, I'm not even sure if I have a wall left anymore,
I'm even hesitating to put this, since it's only been a year, but damn it.

I am so in love with you, Mr.Princess.

Some things to remember next time we are about to fight;

iitsurhpaarty 10:02 pm
NOTHINNNG
LOL
It was just because
it was like
it felt like Henry
he was acting like Henry
and I was like "I don't want this to happen again.... ):"
and then other shizznits
and I was SO close to breaking up w/ him

ilysherii 10:03 pm
O_O
wtf
wtf
WTF
??!?

iitsurhpaarty 10:03 pm
Lol
we're good now
I don't know for how long =/
But I'm pretty happy right now and yesterday :-D

ilysherii 10:04 pm
:/
nuo! sometimes i feel like
youre too scared of being attached to him
like you were of henry
and youre def. holding back

iitsurhpaarty 10:06 pm
I'm just scared ):
He is SO bad at understanding things.
-_-
like really bad
and communication is my THING

iitsurhpaarty 10:06 pm
everytime we fight
the only way we make up
is either, we both shut up and move on
or he makes me stop talking some how by kissing me or something because he doesn't want to fight anymore
And idk you know, I mean, it works now, but what if it gets irritating later on
I don't want to be in a relationship where I am so much more in love w/ the guy then he is w/ me ):

ilysherii 10:07 pm
i honestly dont think
that will ever be the case
with you and him

iitsurhpaarty 10:08 pm
Why do you think that?

ilysherii 10:08 pm
bc i know the way he cares about you sherry
lol

ilysherii 10:08 pm
i can feel it whenever hes around you
he will always be the one to love you more

iitsurhpaarty 10:09 pm
Even if I become continuously bitchy and nag and irritated?
):

ilysherii 10:09 pm
Well, do you want him to leave you?

iitsurhpaarty 10:10 pm
No ):

ilysherii 10:10 pm
Then your wall thing
It needs to go.





It Needs To Go.
<+3 Love my best friend.

You held my hand, and squeezed it tight.

And with the softest, sweetest voice of concern, you said, "Don't Leave Me.."