Damn.

Damn this fear.
Damn my precautions.


....Damn this confusion!



Uh, I'm referring to calculus. Yup. CALCULUS SUCKS! Uh huhhh.

Oh dear gawsh.

Last year was probably one of the best years of my life.

Now that I think about it, however, I realized that everything that had a great affect on my life, the fun of it all, most of which were outside of the school.
The parties, the meetings, the adventures.
Little, if any, with my fellow James Lick High School students.

What does this mean?
I stayed here hoping to recreate last year.
Yet I feel so isolated here, not really involved with the school at all. The groups of school, school itself, the friends I thought were close, but probably just see me as an acquaintance. All of it.

...Oh dear gooooooshness.
What have I done?

...

Uh. When did so many people know and find out about this blog? o____O

Fear of commitment.

Oh jeesus. It is bad.

It's obvious, I like him. Even I'm lying to myself and I know that.
I see anything saying, "You like him a lot, don't you?"
Immediately.
I turn away, I think of something else, I say, 'No.... no way... I don't like him that much. I mean come on.....'

I'm so terrified of turning into a meanie weenie, again.
I'm so terrified of relationships all together.
I'm terrified of being clingy, of missing the person.
So, what do I do?
When I miss you, I tell myself I don't.
When I miss you, I distract myself from thinking of you.

But it's obvious. I'm lying. I'm a liar.
I can't even type here that I =x You.
.. It's silly, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Just give me time, because you are something special, extraordinary.
I'm just a little scared to like you right now, is all..

I am sobbing, while eating a bowl of instant noodles, 5AM in the morning.

Life is not pretty for me right now.

I am stressed the hell out, enough as is.

And so.. I took a walk.

Despite the time. Despite my sleep deprivation and exhaustion. Despite the darkness. Despite the cold. Despite the havoc in my home.

I took a walk, to escape reality.
I just can’t handle this tonight. The stress, the arguing. My eyes can hardly even stay open, and yet I’m forced to endure this madness, waking up, nearly with a hard attack, every few minutes to yelling and slamming of doors.

I can not take this.
I do not need this.

I’m not asking you two to work things out, nor am I asking for you two to act like a family. I gave up on that, so long ago.
All I’m asking you, is please, just let me get some sleep…………………………


I. can. not. take. this.

My response after..

.....*twitch twitch twitch*.

HAY, ASSHOLE........WTF IS UP WITH THAT.............

*twitch twitch twitch twitch*
Does it kill to have a LITTLE more sensitivity?! THIS ISN'T JUST ANYONE. ......

*sigh*.



I Love You Sweetie.

Everyone has to change after a break up, to finally realize why it wasn't meant to be in the first place.
I Love You. Just know, it was not you. And will not ever be your fault.



Sherry.