...ramble ramble.

I'm going to be up late at night. My heart really hurts right now. Bad thoughts are swimming through my head. I talked to Henry, and i guess we did talk. Buht it just feels like nothing got sorted out. Man, my friends. They agreed with what Henry thought. And i'm not going to disagree. What if they're right? What if i was doing what they accused me of doing? What if i fkcing was? Man. I hate myself. I'm so mad at myself right now. I'm such a fkcing retard. I didn't notice it. fkc me fkc me fkc me. I'm just so mad.. my heart hurts. i dnt want to play in the game tomarrow. I just want to stay home. Stay home a turn my eyes red.

I'm probably being too dramatic at the moment. i DON'T want pity.. right now i just want to cry and cry and cry. I don't know what i want. nothing feels right anymore. everything's just upsidedown.

Its funny how someone can act one way to you, and another behind your back. Well, still feeling lonely. as lonely as i'll ever be. I hope. So i had a dream, i had a dream that i was at school, and everyone just glared at me and walked away. The people i thought were my friends. So, in my dream. I cried. I sat somewhere i hoped no one could find me, and cried. and there were the people, hudding up. "Why is she crying?" "Just forget about her, she always cries." And yunnoe wuht i realized? This yea, all i've been doing is crying. And yunnoe what else? Crying is just starting to annoy people. i guess it just doesn't mean anything buht "attention whore" now. I guess it has no fkcing purpose except to get people's attention. i guess nothings wrong with the year, IM NOT EXTREMELY DEPRESSED OUT OF MY MIND AND LONELY, and IM ACCUTUALLY FKCING HAPPY AND JUST WANT TO GET YOUR MUTHER FKCING ATTENTION BKOS IM BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



......man, i hate life. yunnoe those kids who grow up thinking "I remember I used to be such a happy kid, i wish i could go back!" yunnoe what kids? BE FKCING GRATEFUL BKOS I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO FKCING HAVE A CHILDHOOD TO WANT TO FKCING GO BACK TO.

Man, everything's just coming out, everything i've been keeping locked away in this little box in my head. The box titled "Better Left Unknown,"


Henry, i love you so much. So much. The whole time at home after this whole bad, busy day. All i did was daydream about you. And when i finally get to talk to yu, all of this happens. And I'm really sorry if i seem like i'm being dramatic. I don't want your pity, and i don't want you to take the blame. Its all my fault. I swear. Just let me take the blame for all the pain and heartache i caused yu. I fkced up. Just let me take it in, and lock it away in the little box, along with all the other great heartaches, the ones too big, to ever want to remember.



<3