...

...

I just wanted it to feel like Christmas.
A walk through the park.
Opening presents at 12AM.
FAMILY.

Is that just TOO DAMN MUCH?????????????

I think I just gave up on Christmas this year.

Expectations:

I don't like them, they always bring me down.

Christmas and Christmas Eve is usually the same: an empty house, some presents, if I'm lucky a tree and a visit from my best friend.

This year, I thought it might be different.
Perhaps, a nice warm fireplace, that I actually have now. Some hot chocolate, a walk in Christmas in the park, video games, and opening presents.

I guess that is not going to happen this year though.
I expected too much again.

But this will not ruin my holiday, I will not let failed expectations ruin it.
It's easy to be miserable, the challenge is to be happy.

I wish for,

A group. A solid group of friends.
Yeah, I have a lot of close friends, who I can hang out with one on one.
I don't have a group, a close group of friends to have memories and do everything with.

All my close friends have a close group.
I wish all my close friends could just combine to become my close group, but that's not going to happen.
We all go to different schools, and they all have a group within their school.
Except me, of course.

Eh.

Fuck this.

hahahahaha, I am not going to let you change me.

No no, I don't think so. :)

CHICKS BEFORE DXKCS.

I am so terrified.

I miss him, I want to be around him all the time.

Walls, are falling down.
I'm so very terrified.
I'm falling hard.
But is it even mutual?

I don't know, doubts are telling me not to do this, because it is not mutual.
It's so unbelievable to think that it's mutual.

I am so scared.
I don't think I want to fall, don't let me fall, to break.
*sigh. I can feel it, I want to be with him. I think, I might start getting clingy, controlling, what ever I don't want to be.

Someone help me. Do I need to... get away?

I don't want to do that, again.