Rantrantrant.

Man, I had so many weird dreams last night. I don't know why, buht they were about Anthony. I wonder is you're able to see me from up there, old friend. God, do you remember those little fights about who's life sucked more on aim? I always loved you for those, bkos you always convinced me that life is better lived, not grieving. I Love You<3 And i miss you, a lot.

I had a dream about Henry, my only normal dream, and the rest, they were all about you. They were little flashbacks, the day i first met you, the day i got to know you, everything. I can't believe how close we used to be, how everytime something went wrong in my life, you'd be the one i'd come to. I remember thinking to myself "No one can ever tell me like you do." It hurts, it hurts to know that your gone. Its like i spent a year in denial, hoping you'd come back. I still sign on aim, and while i'm broswing, your sn just catches my eye. I can't erase it, i try and try, buht i keep hoping you'd just come back.

I'm so sorry how i abandoned you. I feel so angry at myself, why did i do it? I'll never get a chance to have one of m best friends back. I hate them. I hate them i hate them. It wasn't your fault.... its never your fault. YOU DIDN'T DESERVE TO_!!!!!!!!!! WHY DID THEY-!!!! ........you didn't deserve to.....Anthony, i miss you so much.. You were like a brother to me, always and forever my brother<3.


Today at school, i tried to remain happy, to ignore everything, slowly and slowly every few secs i kept thinking about you, remembering you. I tried to keep myself busy, nothing. I fkcing hate this. I think im still in the stage of denial.. I picked little things to get mad at, trying to keep my head from thinking about you, and the day you were taken away. IVSJKCMKS....... fuckers. i want to......... i want to wringe their necks.

I got mad at everything today, having too much hw, too heavy books, wasting paper, i even got mad at henry, for not coming to talk to me about wuht was wrong. Im so stupid, i wanted him to notice how i was feeling, buht its not like i would've told him wuht was wrong anyways. Today, another thing happened, he got mad at me. Something that took me by surprise. I could tell he was mad. So bkos he was mad, i got to the "so angry im going to cry" phase. I left and threw my books around, when i got home, it took me only like a min to break down.

I'm sorry i brought you into this, in a way i hope that their lying about "heaven" i'm hoping you really do forget everyone you knew in your life. Bkos Anthony, i don't want you to see me like this. I wonder, if you did remember, do you still think about your little dorky bestie?

R.I.P. Old Friend.<3