So this semester, I formed a new bond with another family here at Berkeley - my VISION family. In the course of three days, they knew more about me and my life than even some of my friends from elementary school know. They know my ups, my downs, my flaws and my perks, and they accept me entirely. They've called me an inspiration, beautiful inside and out, made me feel like I was on top of the world. Something I've never really felt from my friends. In the back of my mind, I always feel like there's always someone better - because in the past, for every single one of my best friends (Save a few, like Annie and Vanessa :>) there has always been someone else who they grew to like more, opened up to more, gotten closer to more, and I was pushed out of the loop. I grew from these experiences feeling like dirt. Plain, dull, brown. And yet this weekend, opened my eyes to the things about myself I should have embraced - the things that they appreciate about me. The things about me that inspire them. I opened my story, for the first time to anyone. And they cried, and clapped, and rejoiced for it. It felt AMAZING. For the first time, I saw reason to be proud of myself, and my achievements, and finally in 19 years mentally pat myself on the back.
I've grown to love these people dearly - and I know that we will go our separate ways, but at the same time I know that there will always be a place in my heart for them, because they made me feel, for the first time, like a good person.
Anyways, I actually lost sight of what I was saying because I started tearing up LOL.... But this post wasn't even supposed to be about my VISION fam. ANYWAYS, one of my Co-Mentors and I were talking about relationships, when he said, "Does he bring our your best side?" and for a minute.. I couldn't answer. Did he?
I think I've come to understand myself on a better level - at this point, I don't think any one person can bring out my good side. I am a shell of experiences - and I constantly need to refill with new experiences and people to keep myself happy.
Does this mean that he is incapable? I don't think so. But.. it just got me wondering. If I were with someone else, would they bring out my good side? Or will it eventually dwindle like every relationship?
I don't know.. I don't remember if I have ever released my "best side" while with my boyfriend. On the contrary, a lot of the time I feel like I wanted to stab him ever since we first met, and I have definitely grown as an individual: more patient, more responsible and mature, more able to enjoy life. But is that my best side? How do you know when your best side has been brought out...
Can someone give me an example? I have no idea.
