.. just had a minor break down.

Damn, I think the stress is getting to me.
I just need some sleep.


ALL BETTER NOW THOUGH.
100% BETTER, EVERYTHING IS ABSOLUTELY FINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

...........



..... Not going to be like before.
I don't. fucking. think. so.

Hello there

This always happens. Auuugh.
Why? Am I just bored?
I think I am just bored with life and need something new..?
I don't even know, but I am tired of feeling bummed out.
Like, I feel bummed out at your actions, but at the same time, even if you had done what I wanted you to, would I still be happy?
Idk.
I think I have a hard time appreciating things right now.
I just don't feel as happy as I can be.
I wish I could though, it's just, mood swings.
I am cranky right now, not looking forward to having to work tomorrow, either.
I want a day, to relax.
A day to like, catch up on some hw, watch tv, ... I don't know.
I am hard to please right now.
But hey, that's just me.

Hey,

Lately Life's been pretty mellow.
Why? Do I need to be "wooh"-ed?

I've realized this about myself recently.
If you want to date me, you must 'wooh' me.
And no, I don't mean in the beginning.
I mean for our whole relationship.
Nah' nah', I'm not saying every day of every week.
But once a month, every 2 months, something to remind me,
"Hey, You have me in this world. And I want to make you happy."
If I do not get this, I will not be happy. I will notice flaws in you, be sad when you go out with friends, I will turn into something you do not want.
Don't let this happen my friends. Do not.

High Maintenance? I don't give a flying fuck.
You don't want to deal with it, don't deal with me.
I know the right person will know what to do.
*shiver* Okay, typing "the right person" made me shiver. What does that mean?
I feel like I'm scared of him, like he's keeping me waiting and never going to show up.

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been positive, and hopeful. Sure, I was depressed at an early age, but damnit, I never stopped trying. I've always wanted a happy family, a family dinner.

I remember the first time I had dinner with my best friend, and her family. it was outside, in her backyard, the sun was shining.

I remember this so clearly, because I also remember ever night afterward. I would replay it and imagine my family instead. I always kept hoping.

It never happened. Instead, every wish I made on those shooting stars, for my parents to get along, for us all to act like a family, backfired. Things got worse. And now, every time my father walks into a room, his face filled with that "look," it depresses me. My mother, always yelling at him, all the chaos that never ends.

That is why, you need to "wooh" me. I feel like, everything that is good, will come to an end if you don't.

Do I think the person I am with now is the right person?
*sigh. I cringe when I say this aloud, but 'I hope he is,' deep down.
Which is probably why this, that has been happening lately, is getting on my sad side so very much.
I feel like history is going to repeat itself.
I am scarred, and just huddling for the worst.
Trying to avoid my feelings.
Yup, I admit it. I don't care, I am a coward from the pains of love.



.....Damn, this felt good to type.